It’s a different kind of heartache, one that’s difficult to navigate. My circle of friends has never been big, and over time, it has only gotten smaller. In some ways, that makes things a little more awkward, a little quieter. But at the same time, it also feels more effortless, more low-maintenance. There’s a comfort in knowing that the friendships that remain don’t require constant upkeep.
They’re my way of showing up, something that still feels unfamiliar in social situations, where I’m used to my own space and no longer needing to prove anything. We simply are.
I’m obsessed with Christmas decorations in malls. Yes. While some people reminisce about candlelit church masses or cozy family gatherings, my core holiday memories revolve around something far more glamorous (and artificial)—mall decor.
As a kid, it wasn’t the nativity scenes that stuck with me but the glittery ornaments hanging from ceilings, the relentless jingles blasting through the speakers, and cafes suddenly morphing into snow-filled wonderlands. Never mind that the “snow” was just cotton wool—it worked its magic anyway.
This year? The malls did not disappoint. Between the over-the-top displays, the infectious music, and the vibe that practically screamed “Baby Jesus is so famous” my inner holiday fanatic was more than satisfied.
Alex G
Seriously Matcha
Lately, I’ve had multiple encounters with ceremonial-grade matcha. The sellers had solid branding, the price made sense for the experience they were selling, and everything about it seemed promising. Turns out, my taste buds are basic, and they prefer their matcha mainstream.
As a non-coffee drinker and non-alcoholic, matcha is my go-to drink. So naturally, I thought leveling up to ceremonial grade would be the logical next step. Nope. My tongue, ever the peasant, wasn’t impressed.
Oden
My first Oden experience- loved it! Even though I had a slight brain glitch confusing oden with odeng (I blame Kania). Let me tell you, this is exactly what I mean when I say the perfect snack: variety, balance, and just the right portion. I’ve been romanticizing oden ever since indulging in Tokyo Midnight Diner, Izakaya Bottakuri, and Samurai Gourmet.
The Helper Lady: Mbak Umi
She isn’t technically responsible for my daily meals, but every now and then, she brings over food—either her own cooking or something from her neighbors or relatives. Pure Sundanese kampung-style magic. Simple, hearty, and hands-down the best.
Also, the daily gossip that comes with it. Her favorite topic was her kids’ school—everything from the teachers to the school’s administration. I have a suspicion that because she knows I used to teach at a university, she sees me as some kind of smarty-pants. She often asks for my insights, like, “Is this normal for schools to behave like this?” It’s oddly endearing.
There’s a less-talked-about reality that hides beneath the surface of being an adult—a bit like a graveyard of friendships chilling in the corners of our minds. This hidden space holds memories of past birthdays, couples’ trips, inside jokes, familiar food orders, and the tunes of our favorite songs.
One essential lesson often seems to be missing: the unwritten guide to dealing with the mysterious endings of friendships. It’s not about feeling mad or resentful, but more like encountering an unexpected gap, where the departures leave us with unspoken lessons. Sometimes, people exit our lives without much notice, relationships slowly fade, and some friendships are only meant for a certain season.
While we have rituals and formulas for processing the loss of a romantic breakup, when it comes to the end of friendships, we are left unmoored in our grief. Dr. Kenneth Doka calls this experience “disenfranchised grief,” which “cannot be openly acknowledged, socially mourned or publicly supported.” –an article on Forbes
In the quiet moments when we’re lost in thought, our minds revisit those who once played starring roles in our stories. They’re frozen, posing questions we might never answer: Do they still take their coffee the same way? Do they ever think of me when it’s my birthday, when they have exciting news, when my favorite songs come on the radio? Are they aware of the milestones I’ve reached, and do they wonder about the ones I’ve missed?
Marriage and parenthood often serve as profound turning points, reshaping the dynamics of our social circles. The connection forged with a life partner brings about shifting priorities that may lead to a reevaluation of friendships. Conversations may shift from spontaneous adventures to discussions about family commitments. And we learn to appreciate the transient nature of relationships, understanding that each chapter may bring both farewells and new beginnings.
The memories from way back when? They’re not creepy ghosts hovering around; more like these chill reminders of how human connections are all over the place—constantly changing, here one moment, gone the next, and sometimes hitting you right in the feels with their short-lived magic. 🌟
I’m amazed when reading such comprehensive social media strategy documents; I wonder if the designers can really execute it and translate it into actual results, impact, or sales, or if they just enjoy creating such lengthy documents.
The sambal (spicy sauce) from any warung that sells Kalasan-style chicken fried always tastes delicious.
I found myself lost in thought, thinking that seeing LCD Soundsystem perform live might not be that much fun. Is it really necessary to have a song like “Oh Baby” performed by eight people, with 3 or 4 synths, each on stage playing a tiny role while nodding along slowly?
I feel like I could report the obnoxious racing car that usually tears through the housing complex around the same time.
This morning, (finally!), there was an orange tabby cat that lingered in front of the house for a long time. While keeping me company during breakfast, I repeatedly thought that cats truly play in nurturing and sustaining my mental well-being. 🤍🟠🤍
Oh how I fervently wish for the once-in-a-lifetime joy of watching “The Curse Child” in Melbourne to grace my life again, or maybe just a watered-down 50% version next March. And as for my failed attempts at saving money this month, let’s just say my piggy bank and I are in cahoots, giggling.
I gotta hustle and put together a list of new reads, like, pronto.
Key thinkers: St. Augustine, Thomas Aquinas, Hugo Grotius
is a body of thought developed by philosophers and theologians (especially Christian) as an effort to uphold the values that:
Taking human life is seriously wrong.
But war can be justified in certain circumstances to protect the innocent and defend important moral values.
So, the concept is paradoxical because there are relative moral values that become absolute. Killing is a sin, but killing in war is not a sin.
⚠️ Spoiler Alert ⚠️ Wars are always unjust.
The theory of ‘Just War’ was born to assess when war can be justified and how one can wage war justly. All of its criteria must be met for a war to be deemed just.
Jus ad bellum (“law to go to war”) Deals with the reasons and justification for the use of force (for going “to” war).
Jus in bello (“law/conduct in war”). The real “Laws of War.” Deals with the conduct of war once engaged.
Jus ad bellum (“law to go to war”)
• Just cause: self-defense, against aggressors, stopping genocide. • Right intention: not for self-aggrandizement. • Last resort, truly the last option after all peaceful efforts have been exhausted. • Legitimate authority: formerly meant the head of state or king declaring war, but in today’s context, it can refer to democratic governments (presidents) or even organizations like the UN. • Reasonable chance of success: if war is inevitable, one must be confident of a high likelihood of success.
Jus in bello (“law/conduct in war”)
• Distinction, meaning distinguishing between civilians and combatants, so only those with legal status to engage in armed conflict may participate. Not civilians. Also not members of certain groups claiming to be ‘soldiers.’ • Proportionality: for example, if attacked conventionally, the response should not involve nuclear or bio weapons. • Military Necessity: Fair treatment of Prisoners of War (PoWs), no torture allowed.
Jus ad bellum and Jus in bello are also the foundation of two world humanitarian laws: The Hague Laws and The Geneva Laws.
For a war to be considered just, all criteria of Jus ad bellum + Jus in bello must be met. The criteria are complex, while humans are creatures of flaws. So, Just War remains utopian, and wars that erupt prematurely are fields of dystopia.
SELF REFLECTION AND INTERESTING TIDBITS
Thucydides Trap This term originated from the ancient Athenian military general, Thucydides, during the Peloponnesian War (Athens vs. Sparta). It roughly suggests that war becomes an inevitability when a powerful entity, which already possesses strength and influence, suddenly perceives a neighboring entity as having even greater power that threatens its hegemonic position. It’s like the idea that “the grass is always greener on the other side” but make it Westeros. 🐉🔥
There have been many examples of wars triggered by this dynamic, and the term “Thucydides Trap” is now commonly used to describe the potential conflict between the US and China.
Pacifism When discussing Just War, it often overlaps with the tradition of Pacifism (non-violence, complete opposition to war or violence).
In the context of Christian teachings, it is generally associated with the teachings of Jesus, who emphasized love and forgiveness. A popular slogan is “Turn the other cheek, give your other cheek.” “Forgive seventy times seven.” “Love your enemies,” etc.
These two traditions, Just War and Pacifism, have shaped the Christian response to war for thousands of years. However, it’s also a subject of debate whether Jesus can be considered a pacifist. Through his practice of martyrdom (being crucified), does pacifism equate to passivism? Should one passively accept injustice or wrongdoing? I don’t think so. (Next time, let’s discuss martyrdom across various belief systems ☕️)
Other forms of pacifism include:
The Kingdom of God Is Within You (Leo Tolstoy)
Ahimsa (Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism)
Satyagraha (Mahatma Gandhi)
Individuals or communities that follow pacifism often refuse to participate in the military, and if given a choice, they would prefer to pay fines. For example, the Quakers.
